Well I am finally back in London and it is amazing how this city always manages to cheer me up. Even on the grayest day London can make me feel more alive than the brightest day in Houston. Maybe because I will always see it as I did on my first visit 20 years ago. I sometimes find it hard to believe it has been that long since I walked these streets for the very first time. We spent those three weeks in the theater and at the Tower of London, mom unfortunately kept asking us where we wanted to go and to a 12 year old and a 9 year old a castle is the only cool place to be. Think we found every nook and cranny that you are allowed to explore there and maybe a few you weren't supposed to. I do remember the theater and being depressed we were unable to see a Shakespeare play while here, even back then I had a troubling obsession with the Bard thankfully I have extended it to Marlowe and a few others now :). The Jack the Ripper tour in the dark and being told not to touch the walls as we wandered through alleys and dark parts of London that even now are easily pictured as the hunting ground of Jack.
The great trip out to Duxford and mom misreading the bus schedule and of course getting in trouble for having our pictures on a apparently still used run way. How were we to know?
Maybe it was finding a postcard at Grandmothers of this long ago trip that brought it home a bit. I spend a great deal of time wondering if she was proud of us lately. I know silly to wonder since I can't ask now, and even if I could who knows if she would answer truthfully. I also wonder if she would still be here if I had chosen to go to SMU or the University of Texas for school instead of the University of Greenwich. Suppose that is the only regret of the last three years and while it is a big one it is the only one. Suspect that is what has me studying away for these tests this week and trying to move on. It was a rough three weeks back in Texas. To have to pack up 50+ years of someones life and try to make sense of the reason she was gone is hard. The what if's are the worst. What if I had not gone, what if I had said no there is something wrong and forced grandmother to get in the car and away from my cousin. Hell what if I had stood more firm behind grandmother when she refused to have that PIK line put in in the first place. She would probably still be here, well there happy in her home in Houston. Instead my last memory was leaving her in that horrid place my cousin put her, for her own good according to Dian, looking so small and lost and I guilty for not trying harder. Even sadder is the theft that went on before grandmother even became sick. There was a reason my cousins wanted her in that home and didn't want her to leave. They had already started taking things from her house. Hard to believe that a "Good Christian" woman like my cousin would do that, except when one remembers she is an utter hypocrite. And unfortunately my cousin is why I find it hard to trust most Christians.
That was the hardest bit to find out grandmother had left us everything, but to walk into the house and see the things they had stripped from the house out of I can only assume wholesale greed. Most of it I would have gladly given them, but no they had to sneak into the house and steal. My grandmothers jewelry, even her wedding ring was not sacred to them, just things that they coveted and took as if they had the right to do so. Well I have the faith that nothing goes unpunished and what goes around comes around. I am just angry and upset more because they have betrayed the faith my Grandmother put in them and she can only watch now. Oh well it has given me more of a reason to be sure that my will is clear and straight.
But enough of sad things, especially as Grandmother would not want me to be sad. She, as she said many times, was old and had seen the world and would not want me to miss out because she had passed. Probably I should enjoy the fact she is in a better place and much happier since she no longer has to wait for my weekly calls but can watch me constantly. Now that is worrying, who wants there Grandmother spying on every aspect of their life? No matter how saintly we are, we all have things we probably wouldn't share with people and especially our grandmothers. Though knowing her she is probably still yelling at Grandfather, I know she died in September but well she did have a bit of a long list of grievances with him the last I checked so she might be distracted for a bit longer. Though he is probably hoping she will run out of them soon, he must have been relishing the intervening years of peace and quiet he had enjoyed. But the whole thought of possible dead relatives spying does give one the heebee geebees. Dad has been gone for 27 years now and some part of me doesn't like to think of him spying on me and my various lovers through out the years, it seems a bit incestuous and disturbing really. And well we won't get into the various things I enjoy that well are very naughty to say the least. Makes one wonder though since we never want to think of our parents having sex how much of a trial we shall be for our own children at some point.
If anything death begins to make one think and wonder about children and I have begun the tap dance I do every so often when I think of having kids. At first it seems like a great idea and I find myself making funny faces at other peoples children on the bus. Then I start reminiscing over my own childhood and it sounds good till I remember how many times David and I were lucky to still have all our limbs let alone still be walking amongst the living.
There was the bebe gun incident where we had an actual gun fight, it resulted in a broken window in the billiard room and 20 min of my brother trying to get the bebe out of my arm with a pair of tweezers. There was the time we decided if we broke our right arms we wouldn't have to do our homework and it might also have the happy result of making us ambidextrous like Grandfather Sailboat. Luckily it turned out to be too painful and David also figured out if he broke my arm first I would be unlikely to break his with the sledge hammer. Then there was the tiger trap/foxhole we dug in the back yard, it was about 8 ft wide and 8 foot deep. Luckily mom was not as oblivious as we thought she was and she didn't fall in. Then we had that joust on the ponies and then the trick riding luckily Sonnet, Rapunzel, and Ara were smart ponies and wouldn't have any part of either idea. Thankfully the cows were placid so the bull-riding incident only ended up with "Stubby", that was the bulls name, being slightly annoyed that he had two children hanging off his back and interrupting his meal. The hide and go seek on horse back that ended with me having 15 stitches and David coming down with the flu he caught from coming with me and mom to the emergency room. Then we snuck into town by hiding in the horse trailer. I swear I get grey hairs just thinking of the trouble we could have gotten into especially when we decided to make our own fireworks. And the thought of having kids quickly becomes one of utter terror, because I know no matter whom I dilute my genes with I doubt it will be enough to have all the kids survive to adulthood.
Heck if my mother is to be believed it gets worse with every generation. The stories of my great grandmother Bennett, well she would have been a Blair at the time of the incident, would make your hair stand on end. The mildest of the stories was her tricking the ostler at my great great grandfathers inn in Springfield to let her have the carriage so she could go joy riding. She would tell him she would drive it around for him since her father wanted the carriage and then take off in it herself. No wonder she was married off to a man twice her age. Oh well either way this has been the thoughts for the last few months and I am sure that I shall still think them, but well till the end of May priority numero UNO is graduating. I will be 33 this April and it is time to finish and become and adult even though I would rather not. And once I graduate it is time to join the real world and realize that kids, marriage, and all that are not as scary as I think. And that one way or another Grandmother would be proud of me no matter what happens, even if I end up the crazy old cat lady :)
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Monday, December 12, 2011
All I want for Christmas.....
I have been thinking on this a great deal and maybe it is because of living in a country where religion is not as big deal. But the lack of overly shoved down your throat Christian nonsense has made me less eager to return to the stupidity of the states. It is relaxing to be able to say Happy Holidays without being screamed at or have morons insist that Jesus is the reason for the season even though it is more likely he was born in warmer months.
I just find it odd it only seems to be in America that there is any perceived "War". My aggravation is that I am made to feel that celebrating my holiday is under attack. That if I do not say Merry Christmas I am yelled at. The Christian portions of the population in America have become down right threatening and rude. I don't care if they want to worship their zombie off a stick then that is their prerogative. But if I chose to say Happy Holidays I am entitled to do so. I am also entitled to not have Christianity shoved down my throat. You want a nativity's fine I just get to laugh cause I have one too since the Sun is reborn on the 21st. Heck 90% of Christmas traditions come from pagan origins and have little to do with the birth of "Your savior".
So here is an idea you leave me alone and I leave you alone. I don't have kids but even if I did would welcome your celebrations if only to show the perversity of the beliefs to my children. As people shiver in the cold after losing their homes or because of a long illness while you give your kids ipads and other things. For some odd reason the season of peace and love has been about making the rest of us celebrate your damn holiday and if we don't to be harassed till we form a serious dislike for anyone claiming to be one of Jesus's chosen flock. Do these "christians" realise the bad PR job they are doing for their religion? Cause I can say this if I didn't know quite a few true Christians I would have a very very low opinion of American Christians.
I just find it odd it only seems to be in America that there is any perceived "War". My aggravation is that I am made to feel that celebrating my holiday is under attack. That if I do not say Merry Christmas I am yelled at. The Christian portions of the population in America have become down right threatening and rude. I don't care if they want to worship their zombie off a stick then that is their prerogative. But if I chose to say Happy Holidays I am entitled to do so. I am also entitled to not have Christianity shoved down my throat. You want a nativity's fine I just get to laugh cause I have one too since the Sun is reborn on the 21st. Heck 90% of Christmas traditions come from pagan origins and have little to do with the birth of "Your savior".
So here is an idea you leave me alone and I leave you alone. I don't have kids but even if I did would welcome your celebrations if only to show the perversity of the beliefs to my children. As people shiver in the cold after losing their homes or because of a long illness while you give your kids ipads and other things. For some odd reason the season of peace and love has been about making the rest of us celebrate your damn holiday and if we don't to be harassed till we form a serious dislike for anyone claiming to be one of Jesus's chosen flock. Do these "christians" realise the bad PR job they are doing for their religion? Cause I can say this if I didn't know quite a few true Christians I would have a very very low opinion of American Christians.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Puppies
Well been looking for puppies for several months now and think I might have finally made a decision. Though I shall have to actually see the puppies to decide for sure. Looking at a Jack Russell cross and a Chi Chi which is a Chihuahua and Chines Crested cross. Well when I am sure one way or another I will post pictures and info. Anyway nap time have an early morning tomorrow.
Sadness
Well got an email today from mom asking me to call home and I did. She didn't want to tell me over an email what had happened. Grandmother passed away. This has been a bad year, First Gayzelle the best horse anyone could have, then Rigel my cat who was probably my best friend for the last 16 years, and now grandmother. Well bad luck comes in three's so maybe things will get better. Trying to be positive it is just hard being this far away.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
The worst
Well everythin I feared would happen has. It has been two weeks of hell. No sooner had I posted that update than I get a call that grandmother had passed. To not go into too much detail the last two weeks have been informative. Did you know that as an heir in the state of Texas you have no legal right to see the will?
So far things have disappeared from the house and I have found there is little I can do since it will take all the heirs to do anything about it and well have no idea who has the other 30% of the estate. Just tired and sick of the bs and obvious greed of the executor and really wishing Grandmother hadn't changed her will last year.
So far things have disappeared from the house and I have found there is little I can do since it will take all the heirs to do anything about it and well have no idea who has the other 30% of the estate. Just tired and sick of the bs and obvious greed of the executor and really wishing Grandmother hadn't changed her will last year.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Finally landed!
Well after the plane trip from hell, and I should know I travel way too much, finally landed at heathrow. Our fun started at Houston at that airport named after a shrub. There was a bit of a issue apparently which was fine with me since yet again I had spent too much time with my face pressed to the glass of one of the many airport shops. Funny how they fill them with shiny cool looking things that upon purchasing often become worthless paper weights, or even better you see one outside the airport and realize how badly they screwed you on the price. So an extra 20 minutes means more time to wonder about the shiny things.
So finally we get on board, of course I didn't make it to that coveted first class upgrade think that is a story they tell. You know a fiction so that we feel that the airlines aren't really screwing us and can be magnanimous on occasion. So we are all on board and we seem to be heading for the runway when there is problem up towards th front of the plane. Apparently a fellow passenger was being a bit stubborn and was going to get off the plane. This was a completely new experience for me as we returned to the gate. Once they managed to remove her and her luggage, this was a 45 min process, we thought we would leave. But at some point the electrical system went wonky and there was another delay while they tried to fix this. After another 30 minutes it was determined that the problem wasn't easily fixable so we were herded off the plane to wait till another could arrive. Well one couldn't come for at least 3 hours so once again I found myself wondering what to do. The lure of shiny things had worn off since I was unable to afford them anyway so looking at them would not relieve my frustration. So I took the next obvious solution and went to have a beer. Several other passengers decided to partake as well and we have a very lively conversation, especially as one had taken half an ambien and was trying to stay awake till we could return to the plane. After the allotted time we reboarded and took off.
The flight was uneventful except that I tried to sleep and learned why I never bothered to try to do that before. I have never been so uncomfortable, and I suspect the seats were not designed so anyone over 5'11" can be comfortable. So after a restless painful nap I awoke to find us descending to London. At this point we got breakfast and I got the opportunity to show exactly how klutzy I am. I managed to spill an entire coke over my self so not only am I cranky and tired I was now sticky and wet as well. Even better is that I managed to spill it in such a way that I appeared to have wet myself. I was never so happy to get off a plane in my entire life, that was after I relocated my passport I managed to misplace in my search for a pen to fill out the landing card. I guess I looked so pitiful that customs waved me through and I was wandering out to see if my boyfriend had come to meet me. Thankfully he was though he wasn't pleased about the flight delay, as if I had any control over that. Then my cell phone was still not turned on, thank you 3! So after commandeering Lewis's phone I contacted Agne so I could figure out how to get to her place in Plumstead. So three hours later I finally arrived and was able to lay down, and yes that is correct grammar since it is past tense look it up don't bee itch to me :p.
This was all on Friday. So today has been really bad not sure if worse or better. Lewis got his wires crossed and miss understood the fact he needed to let me know what time he was coming over since I have no phone and was exhausted so unlikely to be up at a normal hour. Then I received and email from my mother, at least she understands the concept of phones not working, that my grandmother whom my cousins had put in a nursing home had come down with pneumonia. As far as I can tell she is ICU. Now that I am out of the country there is little I can do and I can not even call her because of the breathing apparatus they have put on her does not allow her to talk. So what do I do besides just wait for any word? I hope she will get better but I fear what this presages her death. I had these feelings when I saw her after her fall and I am not sure how hard my cousins will fight to keep her alive. I even have to wonder if she had been home with assistance if this would have happened at all. Maybe it is my own issues with mortality and the loss of one more family member leaving us with three. Though she has not always been the most family orientated of people she is still family and that means that I will do my best to be sure my grasping cousins don't hurt her. Though suspect it is too late and that medical power of attorney puts me at a disadvantage to do much. The other fact of being in London does make it complicated but I can be back in a matter of hours if necessary. I just hope this turns out well.
So finally we get on board, of course I didn't make it to that coveted first class upgrade think that is a story they tell. You know a fiction so that we feel that the airlines aren't really screwing us and can be magnanimous on occasion. So we are all on board and we seem to be heading for the runway when there is problem up towards th front of the plane. Apparently a fellow passenger was being a bit stubborn and was going to get off the plane. This was a completely new experience for me as we returned to the gate. Once they managed to remove her and her luggage, this was a 45 min process, we thought we would leave. But at some point the electrical system went wonky and there was another delay while they tried to fix this. After another 30 minutes it was determined that the problem wasn't easily fixable so we were herded off the plane to wait till another could arrive. Well one couldn't come for at least 3 hours so once again I found myself wondering what to do. The lure of shiny things had worn off since I was unable to afford them anyway so looking at them would not relieve my frustration. So I took the next obvious solution and went to have a beer. Several other passengers decided to partake as well and we have a very lively conversation, especially as one had taken half an ambien and was trying to stay awake till we could return to the plane. After the allotted time we reboarded and took off.
The flight was uneventful except that I tried to sleep and learned why I never bothered to try to do that before. I have never been so uncomfortable, and I suspect the seats were not designed so anyone over 5'11" can be comfortable. So after a restless painful nap I awoke to find us descending to London. At this point we got breakfast and I got the opportunity to show exactly how klutzy I am. I managed to spill an entire coke over my self so not only am I cranky and tired I was now sticky and wet as well. Even better is that I managed to spill it in such a way that I appeared to have wet myself. I was never so happy to get off a plane in my entire life, that was after I relocated my passport I managed to misplace in my search for a pen to fill out the landing card. I guess I looked so pitiful that customs waved me through and I was wandering out to see if my boyfriend had come to meet me. Thankfully he was though he wasn't pleased about the flight delay, as if I had any control over that. Then my cell phone was still not turned on, thank you 3! So after commandeering Lewis's phone I contacted Agne so I could figure out how to get to her place in Plumstead. So three hours later I finally arrived and was able to lay down, and yes that is correct grammar since it is past tense look it up don't bee itch to me :p.
This was all on Friday. So today has been really bad not sure if worse or better. Lewis got his wires crossed and miss understood the fact he needed to let me know what time he was coming over since I have no phone and was exhausted so unlikely to be up at a normal hour. Then I received and email from my mother, at least she understands the concept of phones not working, that my grandmother whom my cousins had put in a nursing home had come down with pneumonia. As far as I can tell she is ICU. Now that I am out of the country there is little I can do and I can not even call her because of the breathing apparatus they have put on her does not allow her to talk. So what do I do besides just wait for any word? I hope she will get better but I fear what this presages her death. I had these feelings when I saw her after her fall and I am not sure how hard my cousins will fight to keep her alive. I even have to wonder if she had been home with assistance if this would have happened at all. Maybe it is my own issues with mortality and the loss of one more family member leaving us with three. Though she has not always been the most family orientated of people she is still family and that means that I will do my best to be sure my grasping cousins don't hurt her. Though suspect it is too late and that medical power of attorney puts me at a disadvantage to do much. The other fact of being in London does make it complicated but I can be back in a matter of hours if necessary. I just hope this turns out well.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Getting closer.
It is amazing when you really think about it how fast time passes. Seems like I haven't been home for long, though when I think about it I know it has been close to four months. Though with the only important things for this three months being to get rid of my possessions guess it has made it a bit more painful so somewhat noticeable. Then there was my grandmother taking a fall and the realization that when I leave for London this maybe the last time I see her alive and that is pretty scary.
Made me think alot about life and the worries of what I would do if anything happened to my mother. We don't get along, mainly cause we are so alike, but can't imagine her not being here to help. Even more it has become apparent that I need to figure out what I wish to do. While I have always loved the family ranch not really sure that is the end I will pursue since that was my mothers dream. I have learned I need to find my own dreams for life and not let myself be drawn into others dreams to sacrifice my own ambitions. My grandmother has shown me what bitterness and selfishness can bring about and I do not wish to create that by not following my own star. I will support my mom, but that doesn't mean I can't have my own.
But think my path will lead me back to Texas in the end there is too much work to do here. I know the easy road would be to stay in a country that is more in line with my beliefs, but I have never been one to take the easy road. But well that is one of the many things I have been thinking about over the last few weeks. I also have been fairly morbid lately but that I think comes from how depressing everything is and how many people are full of hate for their fellow man. Think it all became a bit much when I went to the protest outside of the Gov. Perry's prayer meeting. That so many people could be so hateful and scream at people that they were going to hell left a very bad taste in my mouth. This only got worse as the weeks went by and it became apparent that some have no respect for anyone not even their own religion. The fire really brought that out with people who were not even in the area posting on important message boards about prayers. While nice it was irritating since those of us needed updates had to dig through the mountains of "prayers". Personally thinking it was a way for them to insert themselves into something as an attention thing. Not to mention the constant use of Jesus's name was a bit offensive even to my overly Christian mother.
Maybe it is cause it was what sent me away from the Christian religion in the first place, but the evangelising just is a bit much. It seems so many are only acting like that because they have to keep having to prove to themselves. Kinda like if you say it enough times eventually it will become true. Maybe that is what grates on me is the fact most seem to be so desperate to believe anything, and that is actually kinda depressing when you think about it. But the real pet peeve is their inability to accept others as they are. As if we all want to be plagued by doubt the way they are. I have seen many things in my travels and while I haven't seen it all I have seen enough to know I don't understand everything nor do I want to. There is amazing wonder in the world and to try and understand that is not in my nature. It is like my moment of epiphany standing on on St. John an uninhabited isle in the south pacific. We stopped on our way to Perth from Durban and I swam with sea lions and climbed the crater where rock hopper penguins nested. Upon reaching the top, a moment I will never forget, there was nothing but ocean and our seemingly small tall ship rolling on waves. I pulled out my old journal from that trip.
February, 21, 1996
As we broke through the waves turning to avoid the kelp beds, we looked back at the S/V Concordia. Her masts were swaying as the swells tipped her to and fro. The crater rim was quite high, and all along the top were rock hopper penguins and sea lions along the shore. The climb was hard but upon reaching the top I knew I had found a place of the Gods.
There was a silence that encompassed all. even as the wind blew there was no sound. I felt their touch and my hope and faith was restored after so long. I thought of many things and had many questions answered on that small island. I firmly believe one can find them self, and know them self on this tiny island.
I wish I had been a better journal writer and had added more than that one small entry. But I know I thrive in solitude better than amongst people. Maybe it is this moment that set that in my head, but my life has been a search for that peace. When I had my wreck in August 2007 I had another moment and the one thing beyond the pain and the waiting to be rescued was the knowledge that I had strayed. That is what got me back into school and off to University again. Gave me the urge to travel again and to see how much of the world had changed in 11 years. So I chose the UK since I would be close to Europe to travel and there wouldn't be a language issue, my French is atrocious and the Texas accent does not help it. But learned more of the world by living outside the US for the majority of the last two years. The things we see as important in the US right now in the long run aren't. Our American pride is keeping us from achieving as much as we could, not to mention the inability to say when we are wrong.
This last year will be bitter sweet since I know I will have to make a choice this next July. But that will come when it comes right now the most important thing is to get through my final year and graduate. To walk across this stage to get my diploma will be the one of the most momentous things at this point. From that point I can make my decisions on where to go from there. Though my dream has been to work for the IRS and within the regulatory arm of taxation law. So that maybe where I go who knows.
Funny started on a gripe about unchristian Christians and got to school hmm time for bed.
Made me think alot about life and the worries of what I would do if anything happened to my mother. We don't get along, mainly cause we are so alike, but can't imagine her not being here to help. Even more it has become apparent that I need to figure out what I wish to do. While I have always loved the family ranch not really sure that is the end I will pursue since that was my mothers dream. I have learned I need to find my own dreams for life and not let myself be drawn into others dreams to sacrifice my own ambitions. My grandmother has shown me what bitterness and selfishness can bring about and I do not wish to create that by not following my own star. I will support my mom, but that doesn't mean I can't have my own.
But think my path will lead me back to Texas in the end there is too much work to do here. I know the easy road would be to stay in a country that is more in line with my beliefs, but I have never been one to take the easy road. But well that is one of the many things I have been thinking about over the last few weeks. I also have been fairly morbid lately but that I think comes from how depressing everything is and how many people are full of hate for their fellow man. Think it all became a bit much when I went to the protest outside of the Gov. Perry's prayer meeting. That so many people could be so hateful and scream at people that they were going to hell left a very bad taste in my mouth. This only got worse as the weeks went by and it became apparent that some have no respect for anyone not even their own religion. The fire really brought that out with people who were not even in the area posting on important message boards about prayers. While nice it was irritating since those of us needed updates had to dig through the mountains of "prayers". Personally thinking it was a way for them to insert themselves into something as an attention thing. Not to mention the constant use of Jesus's name was a bit offensive even to my overly Christian mother.
Maybe it is cause it was what sent me away from the Christian religion in the first place, but the evangelising just is a bit much. It seems so many are only acting like that because they have to keep having to prove to themselves. Kinda like if you say it enough times eventually it will become true. Maybe that is what grates on me is the fact most seem to be so desperate to believe anything, and that is actually kinda depressing when you think about it. But the real pet peeve is their inability to accept others as they are. As if we all want to be plagued by doubt the way they are. I have seen many things in my travels and while I haven't seen it all I have seen enough to know I don't understand everything nor do I want to. There is amazing wonder in the world and to try and understand that is not in my nature. It is like my moment of epiphany standing on on St. John an uninhabited isle in the south pacific. We stopped on our way to Perth from Durban and I swam with sea lions and climbed the crater where rock hopper penguins nested. Upon reaching the top, a moment I will never forget, there was nothing but ocean and our seemingly small tall ship rolling on waves. I pulled out my old journal from that trip.
February, 21, 1996
As we broke through the waves turning to avoid the kelp beds, we looked back at the S/V Concordia. Her masts were swaying as the swells tipped her to and fro. The crater rim was quite high, and all along the top were rock hopper penguins and sea lions along the shore. The climb was hard but upon reaching the top I knew I had found a place of the Gods.
There was a silence that encompassed all. even as the wind blew there was no sound. I felt their touch and my hope and faith was restored after so long. I thought of many things and had many questions answered on that small island. I firmly believe one can find them self, and know them self on this tiny island.
I wish I had been a better journal writer and had added more than that one small entry. But I know I thrive in solitude better than amongst people. Maybe it is this moment that set that in my head, but my life has been a search for that peace. When I had my wreck in August 2007 I had another moment and the one thing beyond the pain and the waiting to be rescued was the knowledge that I had strayed. That is what got me back into school and off to University again. Gave me the urge to travel again and to see how much of the world had changed in 11 years. So I chose the UK since I would be close to Europe to travel and there wouldn't be a language issue, my French is atrocious and the Texas accent does not help it. But learned more of the world by living outside the US for the majority of the last two years. The things we see as important in the US right now in the long run aren't. Our American pride is keeping us from achieving as much as we could, not to mention the inability to say when we are wrong.
This last year will be bitter sweet since I know I will have to make a choice this next July. But that will come when it comes right now the most important thing is to get through my final year and graduate. To walk across this stage to get my diploma will be the one of the most momentous things at this point. From that point I can make my decisions on where to go from there. Though my dream has been to work for the IRS and within the regulatory arm of taxation law. So that maybe where I go who knows.
Funny started on a gripe about unchristian Christians and got to school hmm time for bed.
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