Saturday, September 3, 2011

A beginning

Well we are down to the last few weeks before I return to London for my final year of my degree. This time next year I will be working as an Accountant hard to believe. Though it is more irritating at how long it took me to get here. Oh well every great story has to start somewhere right.... and 32 isn't that old..... Well life has to start sometime and this summer home has shown me a lot of things about myself. Think we all have a hard time with who we are and the feeling that we haven't done enough. Maybe that is just me but it seems that has been bugging me most of the summer. With the drought here at home and my grandmother having fallen and broken her hip things seem so uncertain and unsettling.

Ever since I landed here in June I have been hoping for rain and it hasn't come. I have watched the grass wilt and dry up and eventually disappear. Right now the cows look like they have come off a hard winter and it is just barely September. Then my Grandmother fell and broke her hip and the family problems have become an issue. There is little I can do since grandmother has given her medical power of attorney to my cousin, and we  were not even told what had happened until several days later. I know it would be easier on all concerned if she is kept at the nursing/rehabilitation home, but she has lived in that house for 50+ years. I know it is galling for her to be powerless and depend on others when she has been independent for so long. However it is becoming apparent that most of the family is desirous to keep her where she is because it is in a more convenient location. As opposed to her being on the south west side of Houston she is now 30 min away in the Woodlands.

The issue boils down to the fact that I think she is already losing the will to go on because of where she is and even though it would be a pain would like for her to stay in her home as long as she can. I am not sure how long she will live but I would like her to be comfortable and in her home as long as it is feesable. She hasn't always been the best grandmother and the way she treated mom over the years has been less than kind. She also for reasons I have yet to fathom encouraged both sides of the family to not communicate with one another. I think it was a power thing and an attention thing. But she is my only living grandmother that trumps everything else, because I am not that kind of person to turn my back on family. Not to mention guess it is also from some misplaced hope that when I get to be as old as her someone will care enough to fight for me since well I have not always been the person I wish I was.

But I leave on the 20th and will not be here to do much and that makes me very concerned. What if she needs me and I am not here. The more time I think about it think the fates are throwing me some pretty clear signals. I need to come back to the states after I finish this year. Besides moving to the EU and taking a job because I am afraid of the possible witch hunting that the GOP seems to be hell bent on is not a solution. I suspect maybe I need to come back if only so my little voice might do more to make people realise how wrong and dangerous these people are.

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